


Eridan and Vriska: Do Something Awesome

by cacophonyGilded



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe beginning with the very end of Kanaya: Return to the Core, F/M, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Pesterlog Heavy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 22:16:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7592365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacophonyGilded/pseuds/cacophonyGilded
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After being graciously DEBUNKED following a slightly altered series of events concerning the duel between Eridan Ampora and Sollux Captor, the Prince of Hope is sent out with the Thief of Light on a mission. </p><p>Against all odds, they make a pretty good team.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Eridan and Vriska: Do Something Awesome

**Author's Note:**

> Alt title is Karkat: Feature Way Too Much In A Fic That's Not About You

The scene is set, a Hero of Hope and a Hero of Doom circling each other like predators, every step back from the horn pile an additional step toward a conclusion, one way or another. This is not the first duel that has passed between these two heroes, but if any luck holds, it will be the last. In one corner, the Hero of Doom warms up his psionics and rubs his temples to alleviate his throbbing headache. In the other corner, the Hero of Hope straightens his elbows and plants his feet firmly on the ground. To him, this is the answer to a call long in the waiting.

SOLLUX: oh well, ii gue22 iit2 only fiittiing that iid take you down iin ROUND TWO.   
SOLLUX: you ready, priince?   
ERIDAN: bring it, mage 

From the other side of the lab, there’s a movement, inconsequential in the minds of the fighters. Nothing exists except for the battle looming before them, sure to be great. White science flying, psionics crackling, equally matched foes prepare to do some serious damage to one another, the result of which will surely influence the troll race, probably forever.

Of course.

That is, that’s how it might have been, except for one variable that had been previously unaccounted for by both the Mage and the Prince.

Karkat Vantas is not. Fucking. Around.

==> Be Karkat Vantas?

You are now Karkat Vantas. As was previously mentioned, you are NOT FUCKING AROUND. You are standing in the lab, watching two violent jerkoffs circle each other, preparing to pounce. What will you do?

==> Stop them.

Eridan barely even sees the cold, hard meat of your fist to his face coming. When one is expecting the heat and energy of a psion blast, the tangible reality of a fist is something else entirely, unexpected and unprepared for. The prince falls backwards, promptly KO’d out of the equation, while our fearless leader (this is you) advances on the other two members of his party.

KARKAT: THANK YOU, SOLLUX, FOR DOING EXACTLY AS I SAID AND REFRAINING FROM ANY *SORT OF DUELING WHATSOEVER*! OH WAIT, NO, YOU DIDN’T DO THAT, BECAUSE EVERYONE ON THIS TEAM IS COMPLETELY INCAPABLE OF FOLLOWING DIRECT FUCKING ORDERS, NO MATTER HOW MUCH I INSIST ON WRITING THEM IN STONE!  
KARKAT: HE’S A DESPERATE TOOL, DON’T RISE TO HIS LEVEL, YOU DOUCHE.  
SOLLUX: kk, he2 goiing two doom u2 all.  
KARKAT: NO, HE’S BORED AND SCARED SHITLESS. JESUS CHRIST, YOU REALLY THINK I’M GOING TO LET HIM FLY THE FUCK OFF LIKE A LEGENDARY PIECE OF SHIT? I’M GOING TO MAKE HIM DO SOMETHING, WITH SOME GODDAMN SUPERVISION, SO HE’S OCCUPIED.  
KARKAT: JUST LIKE IN THE GAME, DUMBASS.  
KARKAT: HE’S NOT A DANGER IF HE HAS A JOB TO DO. HE’S NOT ACTUALLY SUCH A BAD DUDE?  
KARKAT: THIS IS FUCKING STUPID. JUST GIVE ME HIS WAND AND LET ME DEBUNK THIS SHIT ONCE AND FOR ALL.

Feferi kneels next to Eridan, giggling while she flicks him in the nose, and wrestles his wand away from him. You would normally pitch a fit about the insolence demonstrated in even the smallest of microaggressions after you specified that ABSOLUTELY NO ONE WAS GOING TO EVEN FUCKING TOUCH ANYONE ELSE, but after all she’d been through, you couldn’t honestly say that Feferi Peixes didn’t deserve that little flick. You go, Feferi.

She gives you the wand, and you snap that shit right over your knee.

KARKAT: THERE. LOOK. HE’S NOT A FUCKING THREAT ANYMORE, HOW HARD WAS THAT?  
KARKAT: “THANK YOU, KARKAT, FOR BEING THE ONLY RATIONAL ONE ON THIS ENTIRE METEOR.”  
KARKAT: OH, YOU’RE WELCOME, IT’S ALL IN A DAY’S WORK, REALLY.  
SOLLUX: kk.  
KARKAT: I MEAN, CLEARLY I’M THE FUCKING HERO OF ALL OF YOU, AND IF YOU DEEM IT NECESSARY TO PROSTRATE YOURSELF IN FRONT OF ME, LICKING AT MY HEELS, THEN SO BE IT.  
SOLLUX: KK.  
KARKAT: BUT REALLY, IT WASN’T ANYTHING THAT ANY OF YOU COULDN’T HAVE DONE, IF YOU WEREN’T ALWAYS SO BUSY BEING USELESS JACKASSES.  
SOLLUX: KARKAT VANTA2.  
SOLLUX: he2 2tiill dangerou2, no matter what hero move2 you put on hiim.  
SOLLUX: when he wake2 up, he could doom u2 all 2tiill.  
KARKAT: FINE, THEN *YOU* LOOK AFTER HIM, IF YOU’RE SOOOO WORRIED. WHEN HE WAKES UP, IF HE STARTS DOING SHIT, THEN JUST KNOCK HIM OUT AGAIN.  
KARKAT: AND FEFERI, I’M SORRY YOU HAD TO DEAL WITH ALL OF THIS. WORD OF ADVICE? STAY AWAY FROM ALL THESE ASSHOLE TOOLS YOU HANG OUT WITH.  
FEFERI: )(----E )(-------E! It’s okay, Krabkrab, I’m fine, even IF ---Eridan went totally B--ERS--ERK. --Everyt)(ing will start going our way soon, and until then, I’ll help Sollux keep that ass)(ole tool in LIN--E.  
FEFERI: Get it? Like fis)(ing line?  
SOLLUX: good one ff.  
FEFERI: 38D  
KARKAT: GREAT. NOW, UH… I’VE GOT TO DEAL WITH SOMETHING. IT LOOKS LIKE GAMZEE IS FINALLY GETTING BACK TO ME.

You make your way over to the chat terminal, back straight, steps long. If Sollux notices the way your hands shake terribly, well, then all you can do is give him a million shaky knuckle bumps later in exchange for him not commenting on it now. Behind you, turning back to Eridan, your BEST BRO and RECENTLY NOT BLINDED Mage of Doom plants his bony ass down on the Prince of Hope’s uncomfortable and equally bony rib cage, gives a cheeky grin to Feferi, and allows her to playfully shove him over. Feferi, for her part, sits dutifully in front of Eridan’s KO’d form, hand on her 2x3dent. You look over your shoulder and depart a tired smile at the two guardians of a would be murderer. 

While things start to shape up in the lab, you quickly find that everything has gone to shit pretty much everywhere else. On the other side of the room, you come to the pants-shittingly-terrifying conclusion that yet another member of your crew has completely and totally gone off the deep end.

KARKAT: ...GAMZEE’S ON A RAMPAGE.

Kanaya, your most TRUSTED PAL who is certainly not DEAD or otherwise UNDEAD, makes her way over to you from where she’d been standing by the transportalizer. She places a hand maternally over your shoulder, which you instinctively shove off, even though comfort of any kind is at a premium these days.

You have a fucking reputation to uphold, after all.

KANAYA: What   
KARKAT: HE’S FLIPPED. FUCKING NATURALLY, THE SECOND I DEFUSE AMPORA, THE MOST DANGEROUS MEMBER OF OUR TEAM SUDDENLY DECIDES THAT HE REALLY WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE ENTIRE HEMOSPECTRUM FIRSTHAND.  
KARKAT: HE’S GOING TO KILL US ALL.  
KANAYA: So What Do We Do  
KANAYA: Surely Our ‘Fearless Leader’ Would Not Just Instruct Us Now To Wait For Our Untimely Deaths  
KARKAT: NO, ACTUALLY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GREAT IDEA. THANK YOU, KANAYA, YOU ARE HEREBY PROMOTED TO MY SECOND IN COMMAND FOR THE PRECIOUS FEW SECONDS BEFORE WE’RE COMPLETELY WIPED OFF THE BOARD.  
SOLLUX: dude liike fiive 2econds ago you were goiing on about pre2erviing our 2peciie2 and not lo2iing hope or whatever.  
SOLLUX: you punched a murderer iin the face. liike, hard.  
KARKAT: HE’S HARDLY A MURDERER AND YOU KNOW IT. THOSE ANGELS PRACTICALLY DON’T EVEN COUNT.  
SOLLUX: iirrelevant. you punched eriidan ampora iin the face, but when gz of all people deciide2 two do the 2AME FUCKIING THIING, you 2iit down and let hiim kiill everyone? man, fuck that.  
SOLLUX: HERE2 an iidea, you 2aiid you were goiing two force ed two do somethiing good and keep hiim bu2y? 2end hiim.  
KANAYA: Im Inclined To Agree Eridans Power Would Normally Far Outweigh Gamzees  
KANAYA: At Least When He Is  
KANAYA: Indulging  
KANAYA: (Besides Sending Him Would At The Very Least Separate Sollux And Eridan For A Little While)  
KARKAT: YES, WHAT A WONDERFUL IDEA! LEAVE THE GUY WHO WAS GOING TO LEAVE TO GO JOIN JACK NOIR ALONE TO HIS OWN DEVICES! PERFECT! I’M SO GLAD ALL OF US ARE THINKING RATIONALLY, BECAUSE THIS IS SUCH A PRODUCTIVE DISCUSSION. MAYBE EVEN *TOO* PRODUCTIVE. MIGHT WANT TO SLOW DOWN THERE, GUYS!  
KARKAT: PLUS, EVEN IF I DID THINK HE’S COMPLETELY ON OUR SIDE AGAIN AFTER I PUNCHED HIM, THERE’S STILL THE FACT THAT I JUST CLEARLY DEBUNKED HIS WEAPON, SO HE’S BASICALLY UNARMED.  
KARKAT: LET’S JUST THROW THE LEAST DANGEROUS OF THE ROGUES ON OUR SHIP RIGHT TO THE FUCKING BEAST! BYE, ERIDAN, WE’LL PROBABLY MISS YOU.  
FEFERI: Don’t be silly, Karkat! We don’t )(ave to send --Erifin alone. We could get someone else to )(elp )(im!  
FEFERI: It would probably keep )(im out of TROUBL----E that way.  
KARKAT: ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING?  
FEFERI: Ummmm… don’t take t)(is t)(e wrong way, but I’d )(onestly rat)(er not.  
FEFERI: I’m still R---E---ELY mad at )(im!  
FEFERI: Plus… Gamzee kind of scares me 38/  
SOLLUX: yeah there2 pretty much no way iim lettiing you 2end ff.  
FEFERI: --EXCUS--E M---E, mister, I can do t)(is for myshellf!  
SOLLUX: geez ii know, ii wa2 backiing you up.  
FEFERI: I know! )(--E )(--E )(------E! <3  
KARKAT: OKAY, SHUT UP, STOP FLIRTING FOR LIKE THREE SECONDS, THANKS. I’M NOT SENDING EITHER OF YOU WITH HIM. WE NEED SOMEONE STRONGER TO TAKE DOWN GAMZEE WHEN HE’S LIKE THIS.  
KANAYA: If Its Stronger You Need  
KANAYA: You Could Always Enlist Equius  
KARKAT: I WAS ALREADY GOING TO DO THAT, BUT HE AND ERIDAN STUPIDLY DON’T GET ALONG EVEN THOUGH THEY’RE BOTH CREEPY DUMBASSES WITH A HEMOSPECTRUM FETISH.  
KARKAT: I’LL SEND ZAHHAK ON HIS OWN MISSION, BUT WITH ERIDAN, I THINK I NEED TO ASK…  
KARKAT: UGH.  
KANAYA: Dont Tell Me You Mean Her  
KARKAT: SHE’S STRONG, KANAYA. WHAT’S YOUR ISSUE WITH HER, ANYWAY?  
KANAYA: Im Not Sure If Thats Any Of Your Damn Business  
KARKAT: ...IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT IN PRIVATE LATER…  
KANAYA: Oh Okay Fine Shut Up  
KANAYA: Do Whatever You Need To Do  
KANAYA: Send Her And Eridan To Save Us What Do I Care  
KARKAT: GREAT. FINALLY.

Waiting for Eridan to come to, you contact Equius and have a conversation that more or less goes like [this](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=005331), naturally taking out any mention of Eridan flipping and going on a rampage, because that is a thing that didn’t happen and honestly you can’t even imagine a timeline in which you would be so innately useless that it DID. 

Once the more pleasant of your conversations today passes, you sit in front of your computer wishing you had been a little less forward in convincing Kanaya that using Her as a viable hero was a good idea.

==> Contact Her

FINE. You contact Vriska Serket. 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling arachnidsGrip [AG]

CG: HERE’S THE DEAL. I THINK YOU’RE AWFUL, AND THAT’S NEVER NOT GOING TO BE A THING THAT’S HAPPENING.  
CG: BUT WHO CARES ABOUT THAT RIGHT NOW, I NEED YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME.  
AG: Woooooooow, Karkat! You sure know how to sweet talk a lady. I must admit that there have 8een times when I questioned why Terezi wanted anything to do with you, 8ut I see now that I was “8lind” to your charms.  
AG: Even so, I have to say with gr8 regret…  
AG: Fuck off!!!!!!!! I’m not helping you.  
CG: LOOK.  
CG: I KNOW YOU’RE OFF DOING SOMETHING COMPLETELY TERRIBLE, BECAUSE WHEN DO YOU EVER DO ANYTHING ELSE.  
CG: I WOULDN’T EVEN BE SURPRISED IF YOU WERE ANOTHER ONE OF THE DUMB FUCKS GOING AROUND ALL MURDER HAPPY, BECAUSE IF I HAD TO MAKE A “WHO’S MOST LIKELY TO STAB HER TEAM IN THE BACK” LIST, YOU’D BE AT THE VERY TOP OF IT.  
CG: SO IT’S STUPID THAT I’M DOING THIS, BUT GAMZEE’S TURNED ON US, AND I NEED YOU TO DEFUSE THE SITUATION.  
CG: I’D PREFER IF YOU DIDN’T KILL HIM, BUT DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO, I GUESS.  
CG: JUST GET OVER HERE, DON’T DO ANYTHING UNTIL YOU’VE PICKED UP ERIDAN. IT’S TOO DANGEROUS FOR ANYBODY TO BE ALONE, EVEN YOU.  
CG: ACTUALLY, IF YOU SEE ANY OF THOSE OTHER JERKOFFS RUNNING AROUND, CAN YOU SEND THE BACK TO THE LAB? I’M SICK TO FUCKING DEATH OF TRYING TO ROUND UP ALL THESE USELESS ASSHOLES WHO WON’T RESPOND.  
CG: I ALREADY TALKED TO EQUIUS, SO I GUESS IF YOU SEE NEPETA OR TEREZI OR TAVROS, SEND THEM BACK?  
AG: Oh, yep, haha, I sure will tell Tavros that.  
AG: 8ecause he’s fine! Why w8uldn’t dear sweet Tavr8s 8e compl8tly and totally FINE.  
AG: I think may8e you’re parano8d, Karkat!  
CG: OKAY SO CLEARLY YOU KILLED HIM.  
CG: JESUS, I CAN’T BELIEVE I’M ACTUALLY ASKING FOR *YOUR* HELP.  
AG: Hey, I resent that! I 8’nt a killer!!!!!!!!  
AG: At least, not of people who matter :::;)  
AG: Just let me go pick up the stupid Prince. You 8roke me down! I’ll do it.  
AG: Thanks, leader!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]

Ugh.

Spidertroll.

Situation more or less averted, you make your way to the idiot convention on the other side of the lab. Without your godlike guidance, these assholes couldn’t keep it together for five fucking seconds apparently, because Eridan had woken up sometime while you tore your hair out over the thought of even having to converse with Vriska for half a second, and had promptly brought Sollux into a chokehold for even considering planting those bony glutes on his person. Naturally, Feferi responded by prodding him vigorously with her trident, and Kanaya stood to the side with her lipstick out, looking from you to them for permission to let loose with OLD RELIABLE and end the mess entirely.

Fuck you, Maryam, permission denied.

KARKAT: WHY DON’T **ANY OF YOU FUCKERS** EVER LISTEN TO ME? I SAID NO FIGHTING, NO DUELING, NO KILLING EACH OTHER. WE’RE GETTING OUT OF THIS ALIVE, GODDAMN IT, EVEN IF I HAVE TO DRAG ALL OF YOU TO THE NEW SESSION KICKING AND SCREAMING!  
KANAYA: To Be Fair Eridan Was Asleep When You Said That  
KARKAT: OKAY, ERIDAN IS EXCUSED FROM BASIC TROLL DECENCY ON THE GROUNDS THAT HE MISSED THAT PARTICULAR MEMO, AND THAT I NEED HIM RIGHT NOW. THE REST OF YOU, KINDLY FUCK OFF.

You stand by while a general shuffling takes the three non-murderous trolls to the other side of the lab. When the space is finally cleared enough that you have room to flail, you sit next to Eridan, giving him your best glare and quirking an eyebrow.

To his credit, he does have the decency to look at least a little ashamed as he rights himself with a huff.

KARKAT: DUDE.  
ERIDAN: i knoww kar but i just cant help it  
ERIDAN: hes so smug  
ERIDAN: and hes tryin to steal fef even though like AS IF she wwants a mustard blood like him  
KARKAT: THERE’S NO “TRYING TO STEAL FEFERI,” SHE *CHOSE* HIM BECAUSE HE’S NOT THE GENOCIDAL FUCK THAT YOU DECIDED TO BE. BUT YES, SOLLUX IS A SMUG BASTARD, AND I CAN’T REALLY BLAME YOU FOR WANTING TO PUNCH HIM, EVEN IF HE IS LIKE MY BEST FUCKING FRIEND.  
KARKAT: JUST DON’T DO IT AGAIN, ALRIGHT?  
KARKAT: AND DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT RUNNING OFF AND DOING WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO DO WITH JACK, UNLESS YOU DON’T WANT YOUR DUMB WAND TO BE THE ONLY THING THAT GETS BROKEN.  
ERIDAN: okay okay look im sorry  
ERIDAN: i just wwanted someone to take me seriously and to maybe get half a chance at survvivvin all of this is that really too much to ask  
ERIDAN: its scary kar  
KARKAT: DON’T GIVE A SHIT. LOOK, WE’RE NOT GOING TO FUCKING DIE. THERE’S A PLAN, WE’RE GOING TO BE FINE. THE ONLY THREAT THAT WE NEED TO WORRY ABOUT RIGHT NOW IS GAMZEE.  
ERIDAN: gam  
ERIDAN: wwhat  
KARKAT: HE WENT SOBER OR SOMETHING, I DON’T KNOW, BUT HE’S GOING TO KILL US ALL UNLESS SOMEBODY DOES SOMETHING.  
KARKAT: WHICH IS WHERE YOU COME IN.  
ERIDAN: me  
KARKAT: YES. I BROKE YOUR STUPID SCIENCE STICK, AND FOR REASONS LITERALLY TOO STUPID TO FATHOM, YOU GAVE AHAB’S CROSSHAIRS TO JADE OF ALL PEOPLE? BUT JUST… FIGURE SOMETHING OUT, ALRIGHT? I ALREADY GOT VRISKA TO COME THIS WAY, AND THE TWO OF YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE HIM OUT TOGETHER.  
KARKAT: DO YOU GOT THAT, OR DO I HAVE TO FUCKING REPEAT MYSELF?  
ERIDAN: karkat  
ERIDAN: you need me?  
KARKAT: OH MY GOD, I CHANGED MY MIND. GAMZEE, CAN YOU HEAR ME? I’M BEING LOUD ENOUGH, YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO.  
KARKAT: PLEASE COME DETACH MY BULGE IN A MULTITUDE OF COMICALLY ABHORRENT HUG BUMPS AND THEN FEED IT TO MY WRITHING CORPSE. I CAN’T TAKE THIS ANYMORE.

Before you even get started on your uncensored idiot rant--you mean, your completely relevant and wise IDIOT SERMON, you’ve been tackled into the ground in a tight squeeze from a dick in a cape. He doesn’t let you go until the air around the transportalizer crackles, the smell of ozone and cobwebs fills the air, and yep, there she is, crazy 8’s in all her glory. 

Eridan gives you one last toothy grin as he leaves the room, a look that you think might be disgustingly LOVESTRUCK. You’d give him the bird as a parting gesture, but in all your six sweeps of dealing with Alternian idiots, and your nearly 2 sweeps of dealing with this particular idiot, you’ve never seen such a genuine expression. Unable to break his spirits so soon, you just sigh and watch him leave. 

Maybe there’s some HOPE for that PRINCE after all. 

With him gone, you are left in the room with 3 trolls, the hope for your species, a multitude of various COMPUTERS AND PARTS, and a question.

What will you do?

==> Be Eridan Ampora

You are now, and you have always been, Eridan Ampora. You are currently walking away from your leader and recently developed flush crush, Karkat Vantas, rubbing the lifesaving BUMP TO THE HEAD he left you with. Beside you walks Vriska Serket, who looks no more thrilled to be here than you do. In fact, for the first time in a long time, she looks a bit haggard.

Under normal circumstances, you might comment or pry about it, or otherwise just prod at her to provoke some saucy black tension. Today, though, even you can deduce that there is absolutely no room for flirtations, caliginous or otherwise. Plus, you find as you walk next to her in silence that you aren’t even really… feeling them.

You are perfectly content to keep your gob clenched and to march on through the dark recesses of the lab in silence. Her goat is left ungot.

In the end, it turns out to be her that breaks the oppressive silence.

VRISKA: I can’t 8elieeeeeeeeve Vantas has me wigglersitting you.  
ERIDAN: me  
ERIDAN: please if anythin im playing your lusus spidertroll  
ERIDAN: so dont evven go there

She falls silent again, giving you an annoyed glare and forcing her eyes back over the dark corridor lying before you.

_Vriska._

You could never win.

ERIDAN: god fine i think you might be right  
ERIDAN: kar probably wwanted you to keep an eye or eight on me after  
ERIDAN: ugh  
ERIDAN: i had this totally stupid idea about flyin off an joinin jack  
VRISKA: ...I think I was going to go off and fight him.  
VRISKA: I still might, actually! I know I’m not really strong enough to 8eat him or anything, and he’ll probably just kill me and come 8ack here to kill all of you. 8ut… I don’t know, it kind of feels like something that I need to do?  
VRISKA: Maybe like… f8?  
ERIDAN: thats so dumb mindfang  
ERIDAN: you wwoulda gotten us all killed like its not evven a thing  
ERIDAN: hed destroy us you idiot  
VRISKA: And your plan wouldn’t have? If it weren’t for Vantas, you’d have 8een responsi8le for everyone on this meteor 8iting it!  
VRISKA: God, you’re so....  
ERIDAN: you wwanna finish that sentence?  
VRISKA: Dangerous! You’re so dangerous. There! Now I sound like a meddling meddlesome meddler. Huh, now I get why Kanaya used to 8ug me so much! You’re DANGEROUS.  
ERIDAN: oh im dangerous  
ERIDAN: at least ivve givven up my dumb idea  
ERIDAN: you still think you can go out there an fight him for your owwn personal glory  
ERIDAN: methinks that makes YOU pretty much clearly more dangerous than me  
VRISKA: It won’t 8e dangerous if I win, and you of all people must know that I have ALL the power-ups.  
VRISKA: Did you ever even win ONE of our campaigns?  
VRISKA: Thought not!  
ERIDAN: vvris theres no fuckin wway you can do that  
ERIDAN: you knoww that right  
VRISKA: You don’t know that! You d8n’t know what I c8n do!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: I’ll win, and then ‘methinks’ you’ll lo8k pretty stupid!  
ERIDAN: vvriska  
ERIDAN: i cant evven believve im sayin this but no im not gonna let you do that  
ERIDAN: you’re not leavvin dont evven THINK about it  
VRISKA: . . . . . . . . 

You watch her, and for a second she stares at the wall, posture stiff, legs frozen in place. Suddenly, her shoulders drop, her eyes still not finding their way to yours. You grab her arm gently, turning her so you could get a better look at her. 

To your horror, the face you find is raw, dripping, and altogether way too… _young_. While playing SGRUB, building a new universe, and becoming gods, the thought that you and all your friends were only 6 sweeps old, still practically children, hadn’t even passed your mind once. Now, faced with life or death decisions outside the scope of a video game, the kind of decisions not even fully developed trolls would ever have to face, it becomes all too obvious.

For all her strength and bravado, for all the times she had killed and laughed about it, for all her power ups and luck, Vriska Serket is still a kid.

And she’s _crying_.

VRISKA: Don’t t8uch me!!!!!!!!  
VRISKA: Jesus, you desperate fuck, are you flirting with me NOW?

You wince, but keep your hand firmly on her shoulder.

ERIDAN: no vvris  
ERIDAN: not like that  
ERIDAN: i knoww it sounds like the fuckin joke a the century comin from me now but look im not comin on nearly so  
ERIDAN: uh  
ERIDAN: not so  
ERIDAN: ruddy

Your face screws up involuntarily, and before you can bite it back, you feel purple tracks forming down your face. Opening one eye, you see Vriska winding her hand back, a look of determination on her leaking face. She’s going to fucking slap you.

You close your eyes again and wait for the inevitable. Maybe you deserve this one.

Her hand connects to your cheek, but not unpleasantly. She must have pulled back before she touched you, because the harsh blow you were expecting connects in a way that could only be described as a highly inexperienced, sightly violent, pap.

She _papped_ you. 

You’d been papped before. Feferi would pap you all the time, and she had become professional, even curt with her paps, giving them out with skilled hands but rolled eyes. You’d never been papped by someone so out of it, so totally insecure, so horrified.

She looks _horrified_.

You mirror her look, you’re sure, as you freeze to your spot. That just happened. She’s not leaving. You’re not sure you can leave. 

You just got papped by Vriska Serket.

When you regain control of your senses, you look down at your hand, and back up at her, and she’s just looking down and out and so very fucking pitiful that you know what you have to do, even if you’d never done it in your life. 

You move your hand slowly, as if she’s a meowbeast that might be spooked by sudden movements, and softly pap her right back, wiping the tears off from where they had already started to dry in clumps.

The world slows around you. The corridor fades out. Nothing matters except her coarse palm rubbing inexperienced circles on your cheek and you smoothing down her flyaway hair and picking a fleck of fudge blood off her obscenely orange god tier jammies. This isn’t how moirallegiance is supposed to work. There’s a set rule; one member of the pair is the dangerous one, and the other one counters that with soft words and the ability to stay calm. When both members are apt to fly off the handle, then it’s _not moirallegiance._

So maybe it shouldn’t be moirallegiance when she brushes your bangs out of your eyes, and maybe it shouldn’t be moirallegiance when you wrap your arms around her middle, and maybe it shouldn’t be moirallegiance when she lays her head on your shoulder and cries until you feel it through the fabric of your sweater.

Maybe it shouldn’t be moirallegiance.

But it _is._

Your world is over, you’re barred from the universe you created, and you’re 6 sweeps old, standing in a corridor in a meteor, your head on the shoulder of one of the 11 other kids who lived past the apocalypse. You’ve found a moirail in a girl you once loathed. She’s found a moirail in you. You’re so pale for her it hurts, pale in a way you once suspected you could never be, and from the way she’s squeezing you, you can only guess she feels the same. This isn’t how moirallegiance is supposed to work, but the rules are off. You’ve got a moirail, a real moirail, and it’s beautiful.

You remain in this trance, rocking slowly back and forth, crying your eyes raw, for who knows how long. You’re content to stay like this forever, or at least, you would be, until an ominous noise escapes from the vent to your right, forcing you to remember why you were here in the first place.

She pulls away from you, wiping off her cerulean tears and snot on her sleeve. Distastefully, you do the same, watching in awe as she pulls a complete transformation from the sniveling girl who allowed you to smooth out her weakness just moments before into the complete powerhouse she’d always masqueraded as. 

Vriska cracks her knuckles, pulling her dice from her strife specibus as you pull a backup rifle from yours. It’s no Ahab’s, but it’s insanely powerful nonetheless. You grip it with ease.

After that period dabbling with white science, you have to admit that it feels nice to be using a good old fashioned gun again. 

VRISKA: Eridan, are you ready to get this show on the road?  
ERIDAN: i thought youd nevver ask  
VRISKA: ::::)  
VRISKA: Let’s go clown hunting.

In retrospect, Gamzee never even stood a chance.

**Author's Note:**

> So here it is, the second in that pseudo series of moirallegiance fics! I really enjoy writing and examining pale romance. 
> 
> This fic was actually something I wrote quite a long time ago, with some major edits from the past few days. If you notice anything you think is off, then tell me! It's still a bit of a work in progress, and I have a few plans to come back and add illustrations? I'm not sure. 
> 
> Also, thank you to cotton-candy-apocalypse on tumblr for reminding me that this fic existed in the first place! I hope you enjoyed it, and many apologies that it took me this long to get it up and running.


End file.
